You Got Me Pregnant

My friend Bill is terrified of getting a girl pregnant. To the point that he won't have sex with anyone. Well, I shouldn't say that. Sometimes he gets drunk and doesn't remember what he did. But he relies on me and a couple of other guys to keep him "safe."

He's afraid that the condom will burst, the girl will poke a hole in the condom in an effort to get pregnant, the condom will leak, you name it. He's slightly paranoid.

So I decided this was the perfect prank material. I had a female friend call Bill's cell phone when I knew he'd be in class and she left a voicemail that simply said, "Bill, I just wanted you to know that you got me pregnant. I'll be in touch."

I was not with Bill at this point or when he got his voicemail. People are onto me, and being at the scene of something like this is like when Ashton Kutcher would show up during Punk'd. I could only imagine his reaction. I imagined immediate panic - and I found out later that I was right.

When his number showed up on my cell 2 minutes after his class, I knew why he was calling, so I ignored it. His voicemail was sheer panic. "Did you let me have sex with some random chick recently?!? How drunk was I?! WHO WAS IT?!?!"

After an hour of letting this voicemail fester after his class, I had the same friend call Bill when I knew he was out of class. She asked him if he got her voicemail and he said yes, and asked her who she was. She acted indignant that he'd forgotten their night together.

At this point in the conversation I had a different female friend - with a distinctively different voice - call Bill and she said the same thing: "Hi Bill. I just wanted you to know that you got me pregnant." From what she told me, he hesitated, said, "Wha-?" and quickly told her she had the wrong number and hung up on her.

He clicked back over to the first girl and was very flustered and started apologizing profusely for forgetting her. At this point I called him from a number he wouldn't recognize. When he clicked over to me, I said in my deep, easily recognized voice, "Hi Bill. I just wanted you to know that you got me pregnant."

Bill was still flustered and stuttering, but he finally realized I had gotten him good. We had a good laugh. I told him to go get laid.

On a side note, if you can tell me who the man is in the picture and why I'd put him on this post, you win a gold star.